Walking along the two-mile route on campus early the other morning, as Christie and I were discussing a myriad of topics, attempting to solve all the world’s problems in one hour, she posed a vital question to me; and it’s one that I have invested hundreds of hours over the last year attempting to answer, “What do you think is the key to a flourishing life?” Without even a pause, the answer spewed from my lips, “Relationships!” And to be honest, the more research I pour over, whether from a spiritual or professional perspective, this answer is confirmed repeatedly. The people in our lives matter; and if, as Dharious Daniels and Judah Smith share in the book Relational Intelligence, “relationships are that important, then our ability to identify, form, grow, and sustain friendships is crucial.”
In the March 15 post, the highlight was on the importance of IQ, EQ, and HQ in establishing the Habits of a Flourishing Life, now it’s time to add RQ, or relational quotient, to our mix of skills needed; and according to Daniels and Smith, it is a “skill set that anyone can, and everyone should, develop over the course of their lives, because we will never reach a place where we no longer need people…People make or break us. They lift us up or pull us down. One evening of laughter with the right people can refresh our souls and lift our spirits. One conversation with the right mentor can alter the course of our careers…the greatest resource we have is not our money, our time, our careers, or our talents-it’s the people in our lives.” This concept is what I define as relational equity.
For me, there is an image that emerges in the forefront of my mind when I ponder the gravity of relationships, those of a group of soldiers attempting to scale a wall and the need to stand on the shoulders of another to achieve that task. Isaac Newton famously stated, “If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.” Although I am certainly not going to disagree with one of the most famous scientists of all time, I will offer that the shoulders we stand on can be that of ordinary stature as well, no giants needed. Just watch a pair of children attempting to reach a cookie jar-they will use shoulders, backs, whatever part of the body is needed to accomplish the mission!
From scientists like Newton to the wisdom in Scripture, we find valuable advice about relationship management. Proverbs 13:20 states, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Daniels and Smith add, “Your spiritual, financial, emotional, and professional progress is tied and tethered to who you allow to be a part of and influence your life.” Who we spend our time with matters as outlined in the post Who’s in Your Posse?,and our posse is influenced by our development of relational intelligence/quotient or RQ.
“Relational intelligence is the ability to discern if someone should be a part of our lives and what place they should occupy, and then align them accordingly.” Not everyone should have the same access or be trusted with personal information as I hope to address in a later post, The Three, the Twelve, and the Others. Daniels and Smith even address the inequality of relationships, where we may desire to love all our neighbors, but this doesn’t mean that everyone is provided equal access to influence our lives. “Although everyone should be loved appropriately and valued equally, they should be treated differently.”
I’ll close this post with more advice on relational intelligence from Daniels and Smith and then pose a question to readers. “I believe that many people are settling for less than God’s best in the area of their relationships. Many don’t have the right people in their life at all, and others may not have the right people in the right place.” Consider carefully the people you surround yourself with and what voice you allow them to have into your life-this is developing a Habit of Awareness and will ultimately raise your RQ!
If IQ (intellectual capacity, ability to reason) + EQ (emotional capacity/intelligence) = RQ (relational intelligence/quotient), how do you score? Have you invested as much time in cultivating RQ as you have in IQ and EQ? Please share your thoughts below. (There is actually an assessment you can take if you click on the author’s information below.)
References:
Flourishing @ Life 