After years of maintaining a beautiful lawn with a gas-powered mower, a decision is made to venture out and investigate the latest battery-powered mowers, so upon opening the large cardboard box after making the final purchase, my first step was to Read the Manual. Now, there are many items that once purchased, such as a new television, that I opt for a plug-and-play approach, Reading the Manual isn’t a necessary step to effective operation; however, because the mower was a new device that operated differently than my previous models, I imagined taking this extra time to be a prudent choice.
Riding to the beach in a friend’s new minivan this summer provided another moment when taking time to Read the Manual was informative. After attempting to predict why the Honda was chirping at us at unusual times, we perused the little book from the glove compartment to solve that particular mystery. Other mysteries can often be solved when we make the wise choice to Read the Manual, whether it’s trying to determine how to be in compliance with new COVID policies and procedures, or programming the lamp timer for the 35th time; the instructions provided to us can be helpful, especially when provided in our native language!
Now, one area of our lives where many of us have a tendency to just “wing it” and not take care to Read the Manual is the area of relationship management. After hearing a message from Michael Todd on a Fresh Life podcast, where he introduced this concept of Reading the Manual, the notion resonated so deeply that it wasn’t long before I found myself deep into his book entitled Relationship Goals. From a place of transparency and humor, Todd points out the fact that we often use culture’s definitions, past experiences, and people close to us to define what our relationships should look like, which provides an inaccurate aim for our own relationship goals, if we’ve established any goals at all!
“Culture’s views on relationship are a moving target…God wants every single one of us to have successful relationships, but we have to have a goal that is stable enough for us to aim at. So, let me point out to you that the only thing that is unchangeable, unwavering, and immovable is the Word of God…I double-dog dare you-to let the standard of your relationships be God’s Word…Let’s see what happens in our hearts, minds, and lives if we would follow the stable, biblical model of relationships instead of following our own feelings or other people’s examples.”
For those of us who profess to be followers of Christ, we need to Read the Manual, devote time to Scripture, in efforts to discern what advice God offers to allow our relationships to flourish, whether in marriage, friendship, family, work, or any type of relationship we may have. We’ve been provided wisdom, a manual, for how to succeed at life, but the sad thing is, we often look to the world’s advice first before we examine the Word of God; it’s only when our aim leads us into trouble that we choose to study and Read the Manual that has been with us all along. What if we took a proactive step in establishing a Habit of Growth instead of a reactive one? Would our relationships not improve if we proactively nourished them according to God’s perfect plan rather than living with the pain and sorrow that results when we aim for culture’s relationship goals?
Being challenged spiritually was not one of my initial goals in this research on relational equity and discovering the best way to equip my students to experience a flourishing life both personally and professionally; however, God is opening my heart and mind to some amazing realities of a life lived in alignment with His purposes. With God at the center of our life, He will bring us into relationships that nourish and feed us so that we can grow and flourish if we just invest the time to Read His Manual.
Please feel free to share in the comments below any experiences where when you Read the Manual first, life just seemed to operate a little more smoothly than times you tried to wing it!
References:
Todd, M. (2020, July 24). “Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex.” [Audio Podcast]. Fresh Life Church. Retrieved from http://www.freshlife.church/messages/message.php?id=1167
Todd, M. (2020). Relationship Goals: How to win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex. Waterbrook.
Flourishing @ Life 
It is an interesting way of looking at life, but it does make perfect sense at the same time. Reading a manual is not a thing that many people would choose to do, especially in my generation. We believe we can figure things out on our own, and they will turn out just fine, whether it is a brand-new product or an updated one. Relationally though, I would definitely agree that culture is the main defining factor for many people in this world. People want to be accepted, and talked about, and they are less worried about being happy and more worried about attention. It is encouraging to know that if you follow God’s plan for your life through your relationships, you will be able to listen to Him in other aspects of your life as well.
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