Just in case there is anyone reading this blog who has never seen an a la carte menu, Trip Advisor offers the following definition, “A la carte refers to choosing off the menu – choose what you want and pay the individual menu prices for each item. This is usually opposed to ‘table d’hôte’ which means a fixed price meal.” This A La Carte concept, or choosing individual items, has emerged in several places over the last few weeks, and I cannot help but make a connection to developing relational equity. From a Generational Remix presentation to discussions of soup ingredients with colleagues, this idea of selecting items A La Carte is resonating from the strangest sources.

When we enter into relationships with another person, whether personal or professional, we are not provided the option to select from a menu of characteristics, choosing only the preferences we like; unfortunately, it’s a package deal. Instead of an A La Carte menu, you are stuck with the entire entrée, including sides you may not like or ingredients you just have to accept and swallow. Sometimes the entire entrée is a little more than we can stomach, and we aren’t provided the option of a to-go box to make the relationship more digestible at a later time. We must accept that to be in a relationship with another human being includes the good, the bad, and sometimes, the ugly!

Let me see if I can offer some personal illustrations to emphasize this A La Carte concept even further. In order to enjoy precious cuddles on the couch with 22-month-old Benaiah, I also had to accept that along with feeling his heartbeat on my chest and the cute snore only toddlers can make, those cuddles were going to include some drool on my t-shirt. It was a package deal! To enjoy the full, tasty delight of taco soup, a friend will have to remove the corn from her personal serving because you cannot receive the flavor without the ingredient she prefers not to eat. And when it comes to relationships with other human beings, our Creator does not offer an A La Carte menu. He designs us with both strengths and weaknesses. We must be willing to endure the disappointments that will occur in relationships in order to relish the delights that person brings into our life. We will allow and forgive the frustrations within a relationship in order to laugh at their unique sense of humor.

To touch even a little closer to home with an example, those who choose to be in any type of relationship with me, must prepare themselves to hear the details about what someone was wearing on June 9, 1998 because not only do I remember, but I have the scrapbook pages to prove I’m correct! Or to realize that in the last month, I’ve probably read 15 books and now all of the knowledge gained from those authors has to go somewhere. Or if you ask me to be in charge of the itinerary on a trip, I’ll have all the intricate particulars planned down to the minute; however, if the airline offers me a voucher for a future trip, that entire itinerary is headed for the trashcan. Traveling with me can be both exciting and exasperating, just ask anyone who has attempted the endeavor. Unfortunately, as intentional as I may be in trying to accommodate your personal preferences, you are receiving a package deal, as I cannot separate the aspects of my personality that you might love from the characteristics that you might find annoying.

Our culture today is accustomed to personalization. In the Generational Remix presentation, I offer an illustration related to music where society has seen a shift from mass production, (listening to an entire tape of both songs we like and dislike) to personalization (creating an individual playlist with only our favorite songs). This individualized mindset will not transfer into developing relational equity with those around us. Instead, we must accept the package deal of the whole person God created rather than approach others with an A La Carte mindset. Finding ways to cooperate, collaborate, and connect will require us, at times, to place aside our personal desires and accept the entire entrée and sides, the snuggles and the snot, and the whole musical production even with songs we want to skip!

When considering someone flourishing in their relationships with others, either personally or professionally, what actions are demonstrated when you witness them graciously accept the entire package? Please feel free to share in the comments below.