Has there been an occurrence when you are actively listening to another person in a conversation, and your intent is not to interrupt, but truly Listen With Your Eyes; however, your mouth just blurts out, “You, too?” Often, this simple expression opens the door to a new Friendship Conversation that validates your experiences or feelings when you thought you were all alone. This type of Defining Moment has appeared repeatedly in the last six months when increased interactions with others finally escalated with the loosening of COVID restrictions. From hearing colleagues share at the Mid-Career Institute for Women in Sport to Andy Stanley’s introduction to the concept of Decision Fatigue, to a much-needed in-depth moment with my friends Cindy and Teresa, again and again, I am being reminded of the importance of conversation in our personal, professional, and spiritual flourishing.

Perhaps the proliferation of resources I am uncovering related to equipping emerging adults, which has a significant connection to Crafting Communication, is due to the fact that Gen Z has been around long enough for us to begin seeing the true impacts of technology on our culture; however, the more I investigate, the more I am convinced that only by creating a Digital Philosophy will we be best positioned to engage in Reclaiming Conversation, which are foundational concepts in developing the Habits of a Flourishing Life that will stand the test of time.

What really stands out to me in the recent connection with friends is that there is no valid excuse for not investing the time more often; however, by being physically in the same place at the same time, an Agendaless Conversation arose that led to a You Too? moment which validated that I was not isolated, but I had to embrace vulnerability to share my concerns. When others voice similar experiences with a situation or person, you almost feel this sense of relief that’s it not just you! Rather than avoiding interactions with others, as I had been doing, worried that I would be an Energy Vampire, the realization arose that by not opening up to people I trust, I was missing out on what Earley shares with us in The Common Rule.

“Conversation exposes us in two ways. First, face-to-face conversation brings risk. Face to face in real time, we’re less predictable and less guarded. In her book Reclaiming Conversation, Sherry Turkle describes the way texting and online chatting have threatened true friendship because they allow us to plan and curate the versions of ourselves that we bring to our discussions. When we’re removed from facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice, and when we have time to consider and edit our replies, we don’t face the risk that face-to-face conversation naturally brings. So we don’t risk being known as someone less than perfect.”

What breaks my heart when I read thoughtful and insightful perspectives on emerging generations, is that many of this generation, and those of us influencing them, are not even aware of the downside of technology, that it is truly disrupting our ability to converse. Added to the inability to sit still long enough to get lost in a book, I’m truly frightened for where our society will end up if we don’t intentionally take steps to create a Habit of Margin in our lives related to our digital world. When we engage in rich conversations, friendships emerge, and as Earley shares, “Here is the power that lies in vulnerable friendships: together we beat back the darkness by exposing it to the light…The darkness rages in us, but honest conversation is a practice of light. And the incredible thing about light in the dark is that the light always wins.”

My hope is that many of us will take on the challenge to Reclaim Conversation so that we can model and coach our students and children to develop essential skills, such as Emotional Intelligence, that allow us to disagree with others, work through conflict, and experience empathy for others. My heart longs for others to have frequent You Too? encounters which enlighten connections that ultimately lead to the establishment of Relational Equity. Has there been a time when a conversation led to a You Too? moment for you? If so, please consider sharing in the comments below so that we may encourage others to search for connection through conversation in an intentional manner.

References:

Earley, J.W. (2019). The common rule: Habits of purpose for an age of distraction. IVP Books.

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in a digital age. Penguin Press.