Have you ever taken the time to reflect on the influence you have on those around you? To genuinely ask yourself if you are a Filler or a Dipper? When I was introduced to Don Clifton’s theory of the Dipper and the Bucket, what you might recognize as a strengths-based approach to life, it provided another layer to developing a Habit of Awareness, which ultimately should also lead to a Habit of Growth, that I find quite intriguing. Similar to the perspective shared in the post Givers and Takers, the idea is that our interactions with others leave an impact, and as a Christ follower, my motivation should always be to lean more into Filling than Dipping.

In the book How Full is your Bucket?, Tom Rath explains Clifton’s theory and the importance of understanding this concept, “Whether we have a long conversation with a friend or simply place an order at a restaurant, every interaction makes a difference. The results of our encounters are rarely neutral; they are almost always positive or negative. And although we take these interactions for granted, they accumulate and profoundly affect our lives.”

The bucket imagery is used in efforts to assist us in comprehending how positive and negative interactions impact not only our personal well-being, but how it cultivates an organizational culture where productivity flourishes. “Each of us has an invisible bucket. It is constantly emptied or filled, depending on what others say or do to us. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When it’s empty, we feel awful…Each of us also has an invisible dipper. When we use that dipper to fill other people’s buckets—by saying or doing things to increase their positive emotions—we also fill our own bucket. But when we use that dipper to dip from others’ buckets—by saying or doing things that decrease their positive emotions—we diminish ourselves…Like the cup that runneth over, a full bucket gives us a positive outlook and renewed energy. Every drop in that bucket makes us stronger and more optimistic…But an empty bucket poisons our outlook, saps our energy, and undermines our will. That’s why every time someone dips from our bucket, it hurts us…So we face a choice every moment of every day: We can fill one another’s buckets, or we can dip from them. It’s an important choice—one that profoundly influences our relationships, productivity, health, and happiness.”

In my efforts to establish methods for using a strengths-based approach, like being a Filler, blended with Appreciative Inquiry, in my interactions with students and colleagues, it’s been fascinating to uncover what research tells us the magic ratio should be. From studies on marital relations to parenting, from assignment feedback to professional development, the ratio of positive to negative should be 5:1. Do you recognize how challenging a task it is to look at your assignment rubrics and attempt to determine a way to highlight five positive attributes to every one corrective? Just think about an interaction with your spouse or best friend: What is your ratio of Filling to Dipping? And the most daunting aspect of attempting to embrace this methodology is that you need the comments to be authentic. “…it’s important to note that we don’t recommend ignoring negativity and weakness; positivity must be grounded in reality. A ‘Pollyana’ approach, in which the negative is completely ignored, can result in a false optimism that is counterproductive.”

So, if the most effective Fillers are authentic in their appreciation, and seek to find ways to individualize the recognition so that the student, employee, relative, colleague feels most valued for their contributions, how is this to be accomplished? “…If you want people to understand that you value their contributions and that they are important, the recognition and praise you provide must have meaning that is specific to each individual. Not only is individualized bucket filling more effective to boosting productivity in the workplace, it builds sustainable relationships and changes people’s lives forever.”

I don’t know where you are in your personal analysis of Filling to Dipping, but what Rath describes above is how I picture cultivating Relational Equity, and oh how lives could flourish if we all chose to Fill as many buckets as we can with our time here on earth. I’m genuinely seeking ideas for how to best Fill and not Dip with my personal and professional relationships, to supplement Chapman and White’s amazing ideas for appreciation at work, so please feel free to share any ideas below.

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References:

Chapman, G. & White, P. (2012). The 5 languages of appreciation in the workplace: Empowering organizations by encouraging people. Northfield Publishing. 

Rath, T. & Clifton, D.O. (2004). How full is your bucket? Gallup Press.