At this point on this pilgrimage to investigate what it means to have a flourishing life, I should no longer be astonished when concepts repeatedly appear from unconnected resources; however, I admit that once again while listening to a message on a church podcast while enjoying a cool, summer morning walk, a simple thought burst through my mind when Jamey Dickens began sharing research on the importance of our words. Somehow, there was this certainty that he was on the verge of outlining the studies related to the discovery that the 5:1 Ratio of positive to negative comments is the most desirable measurement for us to flourish at life, whether this comes in the context of personal or professional relationships.

Upon returning to the house, the curiosity over just how many times the 5:1 Ratio has appeared in my research led to completing a quick search of the documents saved to my computer, and, as I anticipated, there were numerous entries. For me, this discovery communicated that perhaps either my reading choices are citing each other, or that there is a commonality being established that connects one’s ability to lead a flourishing life and the amount of positive influence that is present. The tipping point for me to cling to the latter is that when research aligns with what is taught in Scripture, there is a nudge that perhaps I should pay careful attention.

The 5:1 Ratio was mentioned in the post entitled Fillers and Dippers, and yet Dickens enlightens me to consider how often I fall short of achieving this desired goal, and once again, the importance of developing a Habit of Awareness into my life. The intent of the message is to reflect on the fact that “We’re using more words than ever before, and we’re thinking less about them than ever before. That’s cause for concern because our words can either build someone up or tear them down.” According to his estimation, Dickens describes that “most of us end up living in the zone of one positive word for every three negative words. This average is what the majority of us end up in; the zone of a one to three negative ratio.” I’m no mathematician, but this number concerns me, especially because as someone who scores high on the Judging aspect of the Myers-Brigg, my natural bent can easily sway to the side of negativity.

At the very least this message awoke a sense of awareness to be intentional about, not only my choice of words, but to ponder how best to achieve this 5:1 Ratio in all the relationships in my life. Although I am motivated to offer words of affirmation to those within my sphere of influence, I recognize how often I fall short of a flourishing ratio. So, I will take the advice that Dickens offers when he encourages us to consider and put into practice an approach to our words given to us by the apostle Paul in Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen” (NIV).

Dickens continues to share what Paul means by unwholesome talk and lays the foundation for why it is important, especially for people of faith, to strive for a 5:1 Ratio rather than settling for the average of a 3:1 negative score. We are inspired to implement a self-imposed filter on our words in order to focus on life-giving conversations rather than life-taking ones. Establishing this habit can change our families, our colleagues, and our communities. Placing a counter-culture filter over our words, whether spoken or written, transforms our communication to mirror that of Jesus who demonstrates what it means to speak encouragement, restoration, and grace into the lives of others.

Whew! This challenge is needed in my life; however, I know that I will fall short every single day unless I surrender my words to the One who created me! My hope is that you too, might consider aspiring to a 5:1 Flourishing Ratio or share stories below of those people in your life who seem to have achieved this already.

Reference:

Dickens, J. (2021, June 6). One Another, Part 1: Words. [Audio podcast]. Northpoint Community Church. Retrieved from https://northpoint.org/messages/one-another/words