If you have ever worked in a room full of toddlers, raise your hand. I’m confident you have experience with the reality that at this particular age, children don’t quite grasp the concept of Taking Turns. Just last Sunday, Joy had to navigate two children desiring to play with the same “backpack,” asking them to wait their Turn, rather than wrestling it away or whining their frustration. We, as adults, encourage this concept of patience, and praise children when they do actually wait patiently. Usually, if you just delay long enough, the child has totally forgotten about their Turn, they just wanted to play with the toy someone else was enjoying!
Even as we mature into teenagers and adults, we grasp the reality that there are moments in life where it is important to be patient while Taking Turns—merging into traffic, standing in the coffee line, or waiting for the next bathroom stall. We comprehend that Give and Take is a necessary part of life, that all relationships, with people we know or complete strangers, require us to sometimes Take It Slow and wait our Turn. Yet, although we are incredibly aware of the magnitude that Taking Turns may have in our relationships to others, to building Relational Equity, there are often moments when it’s extremely difficult to do, and we revert to our toddler days where it’s easier to bellow, “Mine!” rather than stoically wait with grace.
When it comes to things our heart desires, especially the good things that we feel are within God’s will, it can be extremely difficult to accept Taking Turns. In her book entitled It’s Not Your Turn, Heather Day reminds us, “Maybe it’s not your turn right now. Maybe you’ve been overlooked and underappreciated. Maybe you have ten bridesmaid dresses but no groom, or enough rejection letters for a bonfire. Maybe you can’t stomach another baby shower or typing the word “congratulations” one more time. What do you do when everyone else gets the move, the relationship, the success, and the accolades? You show up anyway…You can’t control your circumstances, but you can control how you show up to them.”
Day offers us several practical strategies for overcoming this hesitancy for Taking Turns (or when we feel like asking Why Not Me?) which will allow us to show up well for others. These include actions such as Praying Promises from Scripture, adjusting our mindset away from negative self-talk, knowing our triggers, engaging in spiritual practices like meditation and prayer, and slowing down our pace. But one of her suggestions that resonates the most with me relates to this question: “What if the key to what comes next rests in the hands of someone you already know?” or perhaps someone you will soon meet.
Day emphasizes the importance of what I call Relational Equity and the people we allow to speak into our lives. “Your relationships are incredibly important to your success. Just like in a race, a runner is often only as fast as the competitors they have pushing them. You will run as hard and fast as whoever is running next to you. If you feel you are lacking inspiration, look for a friend who inspires you. In order to find happiness, relationships are key. We are intentional with our jobs, intentional about car purchases; we may even research the dog breed we’d like. And for whatever reason, all of us suddenly stop being picky when it comes to who we let into our lives? The best thing that may ever happen to our motivation is simply making good choices with our friends. Choose wisely.”
While Day encourages us to be intentional about choosing our friends wisely because they are the ones who will guide us to be patient while waiting our turn, she also emboldens us to “force yourself to clap when you really want to cry…Just because it’s not your turn doesn’t mean you can’t make sure it becomes someone else’s.” Nicki Koziarz mirrors this emphasis on creating a Habit of Awareness of others when she shares, “…when I do feel a ‘Why her?’ rising within me, I’ve learned to step back, cheer others on, and see the beautiful in others.”
So, while you are patiently Taking Turns waiting for your moment, enjoy the process that the Lord is guiding you through, embrace clapping and cheering for others while it’s their turn, and engage in building Relational Equity with those who not only support you during the wait, but may also be the ones who help you recognize when it is your turn to flourish. Please feel free to share in the comments below any practical strategies you would add to this list that have assisted you while Taking Turns.
References:
Day, H.T. & Downs, A.F. (2021). It’s not your turn: What to do while you’re waiting for your breakthrough. [Kindle version]. IVP Books.
Flourishing @ Life 