Good Grief…Two simple words placed side by side, yet, in my mind, these words conjure up a complex image of a rag tag group of childhood friends created by Charles Schulz for the comic strip Peanuts. This syndicated four-panel newspaper strip, and the television specials it inspired, are icons of my childhood during the 70s and 80s; and include a central character named Charlie Brown. “Depicted as a ‘lovable loser,’ Charlie Brown…is characterized as a person who is usually nervous and lacks self-confidence,” and often exclaims for one reason or another the catchphrase “Good Grief!” whenever anything goes wrong in his life. Yes, we do feel an affectionate sadness for Charlie Brown when Lucy picks up the football and he falls to the ground, or all the other times when life doesn’t go his way. However, today, I ask that a different circumstance for using the phrase Good Grief be considered, such as when we must journey through a process that results in a Changing Season.

Rarely does anyone use the adjective good when discussing the agonizing process known as grieving, but Dr. Henry Cloud shares in his book, Necessary Endings, that there are occasions in life where we may need to consider the importance of engaging in Good Grief, to have closure with a relationship, an organization, or an identity, or to celebrate a goodbye for something or someone that has been removed from our life. Cloud addresses the reality that “If you have emotional and other energy invested in something, when you pull that out, and let go, you are going to feel it. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, so if you make a move to end something you are invested in, there will be an impact. And if you do not deal with those feelings, you are going to have to do some funny things to get around them.” So, how might we mimic Charlie Brown and embrace being a “lovable loser” while experiencing the Good Grief that permits a successful transition into a new reality?

Cloud’s advice for undergoing Good Grief is to appreciate that “The grieving process is a mental and emotional letting go. What that means is to face the reality that it is over, whatever it is, and to feel the feelings involved in facing that reality. It means to come out of the denial and numbness emotionally and feel whatever you feel. The reason this helps, though, is that grief has movement to it. It goes somewhere. It goes forward…the feelings of grief have forward motion to them. When you feel grief, you are saying, ‘I am looking this reality right in the face and dealing with it…Grief also means I am getting ready for what is next, because I am finishing what is over.’”

For those of us who are Seasoned at Life, we have likely had numerous opportunities to make an intentional choice to embrace lovable losing in order to experience Good Grief—the kind of grief designed by God that allows us to move forward and enter into What’s Next. Again, Cloud offers, “treat the endings with respect. Memorialize them, if appropriate. Whatever it takes to get the needed closure, do it…have a ceremony, a funeral…Symbols and symbolic events do a lot to help us get our mind around an ending…In significant endings, you must face your grief, and sometimes symbols help to do that.” For those who are in the season of Emerging Adulthood, perhaps an event like a graduation ceremony or an athletic banquet will open the door for the Good Grief to emerge allowing you to Celebrate Goodbye—goodbye to those rhythms, connections, and identities associated with childhood and youth.

Would you be willing to share in the comments below of a time you experienced Good Grief and it allowed you to move forward into the next phase of life? I’m especially interested in how college athletes successfully transition into post-sport life; but believe we can easily apply practical wisdom to individual circumstances, so don’t hesitate to share non-sport related, we can learn from it all!

References:

Charlie Brown. (2022, March 5). In Wikipedia. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlie_Brown

Cloud, H. (2010). Necessary endings: The employees, businesses, and relationships that all of us have to give up in order to move forward. Harper Business. (ILL) (May 2021, March 2022)