Is there a certain type of person you find yourself drawn to, often without being able to articulate well the exact why? Whether it’s a fictional character in a book–like Skeeter Dawkins, Atlee Pine, Joe Pike, or Jack Reacher–or an actual human being, there is something compelling about that particular character that is often described as the Strong and Silent type. WikiHow defines this type as “that of somebody who is confident and comfortable in his own skin,” and even provides 11 steps for how to become one. Whether God has written it into our DNA, or it’s a personality trait to be acquired, I‘m not the expert to weigh in, but I will offer that the world might become a little brighter if more of us would aspire to intentionally be Strong and Silent—to listen twice as much as we speak.

For a character like Elam and Yohn’s Skeeter Dawkins, there is an acceptance that, as a bodyguard with a military background currently fighting terrorism, it is out of necessity that he be a Strong and Silent type, but I treasure the way that talented authors also write into the storyline a picture of a softer side—one of a caring and faithful friend. And as much as I engage with these characters, even often laughing aloud at the witty banter that passes among colleagues and teammates, there is a Person who embodied and modeled the ideal for being Strong and Silent and that was Jesus Christ.

On this journey to cultivating the Habits of a Flourishing Life, whether that is striving for a Listening Life by becoming Strong and Silent, or choosing to focus on any of the many qualities that Jesus modeled for us, I think it’s vital that it become something deeper than just another self-improvement plan, like WikiHow’s 11 steps. In order to truly grow spiritually mature, we may be required to reconsider not only our mindset, but also the attitude of our heart. Demonstrating what it means to be Strong and Silent is admirable in a fictional character, but it can be life transforming when it becomes an anchor for someone intent on Honoring God and Honoring Others.

J.R. Miller writes, “Many people suppose that noise indicates strength; that the loud bombastic man is the strong one; that we are doing the most—when we make the most bluster and show. But this is not true. In all of life, it is the quiet forces that have the greatest effect. The sunbeams fall silently…Gravitation is a silent force, with no rattle of machinery, no noise of engines—and yet it holds all the stars and worlds in perfect orbit with its invisible chains! The dew falls silently at night when men sleep—and yet it touches every plant and leaf and flower with new life and beauty. So it is in the calm, quiet life—that the greatest strength is found.”

If it is a calm and quiet life that provides the greatest strength, then passages from Scripture should offer assurance that cultivating healthy habits, like those of a Flourishing Life are worth pursuing. In 1 Peter 3:4 we learn “…it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” It’s these attributes of being gentle, quiet, and subtle that Tim Hansel speaks of in Through the Wilderness of Loneliness, “We have allowed ourselves to become intoxicated by the big-screen [or device] images, so much so that our starving hearts have become impenetrable to the daily acts of love by those who are nearest to us…Love is rarely grandiose and majestic—it is usually gentle, quiet, and subtle.”

If I’m aiming to become a Biblical Strong and Silent type, then my approach to life, especially when engaging with others, should be dedicated to daily acts of love that arise from a gentle, quiet, and subtle heart. Although I desire to be a person of few words, to be described as gentle and quiet, this becomes a great challenge in that I have knowledge that I enjoy sharing and my Burning Curiosity lends itself to asking tons of questions. Now, I would not use the terms brash and loud in characterizing myself, but gentle and quiet—probably not! It’s an on-going work in progress.

Have you had personal experience with someone who demonstrated being Strong and Silent in the best possible way? Their gentle and quiet spirit made them a faithful friend and someone you could rely on? If your answer is yes, please consider sharing for all of us in the comments below.

References:

Conlon, E. (2022, April 11). How to be the strong and silent type. WikiHow. Retrieved from https://www.wikihow.com/Be-the-Strong-Silent-Type

Elam, J. & Yohn, S. (2010). Blown coverage. Tyndale House Publishers.

Hansel, T. (1991). Through the wilderness of loneliness. David C. Cook Publishing Co.

Miller, J.R. (n.d.). The strength of quietness. Grace Gems! Retrieved from https://www.gracegems.org/Miller/strength_of_quietness.htm