Evidently, this particular post needed more than three years of contemplation before coming together. That fact gives me hope that Silent Grief will one day be written too! Because the reality is that both of these topics related to Singleness need to be voiced and yet the words needed to articulate these intimate issues fail me. But you know what? They can continue to fail me because what’s required of me today is to just share the insightful words of Annie Downs because friends, she nailed it! So, let me offer a little personal perspective before sharing the call-to-action Downs gives to the faith community.

It’s not uncommon within the faith community (churches, college campuses, non-profits, etc.) to see announcements related to upcoming conferences to help guide our spiritual formation. You know the ones I am referring to—the marriage conferences and the parenting conferences– currently being advertised among your various communities. But where are the Singles Conferences? Yes, there are men’s and women’s conferences where we might find content applicable to our lives, but where are the Singles Conferences that address the gritty nature of daily walking through life without a spouse?

Now, I’m not talking about the faith-based singles cruises where people are searching for a way to meet potential dating partners, but a conference on how to deal with the real stuff of singleness: How do I find a ride so I can drop my car off to be fixed? How do I move this mattress with just two hands? Or, how about this one: I was really looking forward to trying this jar of ___, but since I can’t open it and there is no stronger person in the house to ask, guess it will just have to go to waste! Or how about these nagging reminders that culture wasn’t really made for you: single supplements to travel (even on those single cruises), buy one/get one free coupons. Can you think of any other practical tasks that become more difficult because you are single? Feel free to share in the comments below. Now, moving on…

Downs nails it when she encourages our faith communities to honestly consider their theology of singleness with a few questions: “Do you think single people must wait to be married to run after their calling or to lead or to disciple?” She adds, “I know you would never say it [aloud], but I need you to actually dig down into yourself, into your theology of singleness…Do you believe single adults are less mature than married adults? Do you believe that married leaders are inherently more wise? Do you believe single people are less worthy and married people are more in the will of God…I can’t answer that for you, I just need you to really sit with it and [ponder] what you actually believe.”

Sharing research from Barna, Downs informs us that the current reality is that 23% of the people in faith communities are single, and not all of these are young professionals just out of college. Many are of this age demographic, which requires us to consider how to best disciple them in this season, but there are also many older adults Struggling With Singleness that could benefit from a faith community discipling them. And as we embrace a growth in the number of Emerging Elders, the current reality is that we have a Generational Remix that requires faith communities to think outside the box for how we have traditionally ministered.

Encouraging us to broaden our thinking, Downs shares that there are actually two paths modeled in Scripture for relational health or well-being: one of marriage and one of singlehood. And as someone searching for resources that speak to this dynamic, I am thrilled to add Down’s message to so many others as healthy, faith-filled perspectives on social/relational health.

Spending years researching what it means to Flourish at Life in all seasons, I Overflow with Gratitude when resources come to my attention that scripturally and practically address topics that would fit quite nicely into the agenda for a Singles Conference. Please feel free to share any other resources in the comments below that I have yet to identify here on the blog that also tackle these Tough Conversations. I look forward to seeing the list grow!

Reference:

Downs, A.F. (2025, January 5). Singleness is not a setback: Finding abundant life in every season. [Audio podcast]. Fresh Life Church. Retrieved from https://freshlife.church/messages/singleness-is-not-a-setback/