Desiring to be transparent here in this blog, today I will write on the personal struggle with being a never-married Christian single, which seems to be the terminology the psychology research is using. As I compose this post today, I’m obviously experiencing contentment with the status often checked on all forms; however, this is not a descriptor I always embrace. Most areas of my life fluctuate on the flourishing-floundering-failure continuum and my marital status is no different; yet because I desire to accept the woman God called me to be, if that means remaining single, I will seek His purpose within that status.
Peeking through the window of my house on a challenging day and you are more likely to witness an event more akin to David’s words penned in Psalm 6:6 NLT, “I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears.” Like David, I am immensely grateful that emotional moments pass and the Lord provides me with a hope only found in Him, but I cannot imagine that I am the only nearly 50-year-old who faces this paradox between desires of the heart and God’s will for my life! And a significant concern as I research emerging adults is that followers of Christ are unprepared to minister to those who remain single later into adulthood or for their entire lifespan.
Recognizing that everyone has struggles, many readers could remove the term singleness and replace it with a new phrase that more accurately describes the issues that they grapple with, but this is the world I know and relate to; therefore, this is the topic of choice for me. If my desire is to identify those qualities and characteristics that lead to a flourishing life, this journey cannot be separated from the issues that provide us with our identity, our self-awareness, and our sense of purpose in this world.
One of the current frustrations I have with attempting to research what a flourishing middle-aged, never-married single life might entail is that the majority of the research focuses on improving the dysfunctional side of singleness (which is needed) rather than highlighting those women who are navigating the journey while thriving. Understanding that self-perception is not always the best measure of health, I would describe myself as a well-adjusted, educated, healthy, somewhat normal, Christian female without much baggage who enjoys rewarding relationships both personally and professionally. No one is without their quirks, but my life has been rather drama free and rewarding.
So, as this pilgrimage continues, I anticipate discovering both statistical research and personal stories that emphasize how anyone can grow and flourish through personal struggles, but today, I will conclude with a secular description of an “always single woman” that I perceive as thriving.
From a study where the purpose was to “understand the experience of being a single woman in midlife (ages 30-65) from the perspective of women themselves, Always Single and Single Again Women shares, “If a woman has succeeded at these developmental tasks, she has a home that reflects who she is and ‘belongs’ to her; she has friends who enhance her personal and professional growth and who meet her social and intimacy needs. She recognizes her basic daily needs at work and at home, has established rituals that enhance her life, uses her free time in enriching and empowering ways. She has made an active decision (not a de facto one) about children. She has found ways to nurture others and let others nurture her, being aware of the difference between mutual nurturance and unilateral care taking.
She acknowledges her sexual feelings and has found enhancing ways to deal with them when not in a sexual relationship. She has accepted the ambiguity of being single, has grieved her lost childhood dreams, and avoids absorbing, as if her own, others’ grief about her singleness. She has made peace with her parents, teaching them how to treat her as an adult single, accepting the positives from them and avoiding the unhealthy and conflictual aspects from them. She has financially and emotionally prepared for old age-even though she may hope to never be old and single.
This list of tasks can be used with single women to help validate how well they are doing in establishing a fulfilling [flourishing] life without a man. It is also useful in helping women who are stuck. Often, going over the list can pinpoint unrecognized areas that may be causing depression, for example, lack of professional or financial success, or loneliness.”
Hopefully, even if you cannot relate to the singleness aspect, you will find the post informative. As you can see from the photo of books, this has been a decades-long journey in self-discovery. If you would like to share in the comments below an encouragement to single Christian women, please do so.
Flourishing @ Life 
This was a beautiful post. I keep thinking of the song that is a worship and praise song to God and has the line in it, “You’ve never failed me yet.”
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At church Sunday, we sang the song “It Is Well With My Soul.” It humbled me yet again as I sang the words. You are a wonderful example to me of trusting God in every situation and with His plan and not yours. You touch so many lives daily and love so many of us wholeheartedly. Never doubt how much you are loved.
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I think this post is something that I can share with my fellow sisters in Christ whom are single and who have the “there is no one for me” attitude. You are an inspiration to all single women (and even married/ dating Christian women). The strength and knowledge you display throughout your blog posts is very encouraging to me as well as others. Your connection to Psalm 6:6 was a scripture that I had forgotten about; going through the struggles of being a young adult in college there are a lot of things to cry and whine about, but having that scripture to fall back on and having the reassurance that it is okay to cry. This also falls back to my life motto of “It’s just a bad day—not a bad life.”
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I am so there with you on this post. A few years ahead of you but in the same place emotionally. There are days when I am content with my work and my home and there are days when nothing seems to satisfy my soul. My heart cries out to God in those days but I have no answer that I can share with you other than I know our God is trustworthy. I do think that we were all created to be in relationships and marriage being the ultimate relationship is an expression of our ultimate relationship with God. United and committed and eternal. Let’s hang on for happily ever after, be it on earth or in heaven. ❤️
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As a young, single Christian woman, you can feel pressure from society to be married by a certain age. Your story of self-discovery and finding the ability to be happy with oneself rather than needing to find another, is inspiring. Being surrounded by people who find the one that God calls them to be with (for example, “ring by spring”) it is hard to not to think that I am missing a part of me simply because I don’t have a significant other in my life. Your story helps me realize that I can be complete without a spouse in my life.
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This is something that I needed to hear as I go through life and sometimes get down because I don’t have someone to enjoy life with. This really helped me realize that God has a plan for me and His will will be done no matter if that happens or not. If I grow and seek an even better relationship with Him then everything else will fall into place.
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This is something that I needed to hear. Sometimes I’ll get down because I don’t have anyone to share feelings or go through the rough times of life with. This helped me realize that God has a plan whether I realize it or not. This is apart of God’s plan for me and His plan is greater than anything I could ever imagine.
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Oftentimes when going through breakups, it can definitely be hard trying to find a new normal with being single. Sometimes people find themselves feeling as though they won’t find the person they’re supposed to be with and that stresses them out. This blog post is a great reminder that although there is that longing to want to be with someone, being single is okay. If that is what God has called someone to, we should serve him in whatever situation we are in. I appreciate you sharing your story and for sharing the quote by John Piper, which is a great resource to encourage and to help put things into perspective.
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I think your post is very inspiring to all single christian woman today!! In todays day and age, there is so much pressure regarding relationships and marriages etc. I think its so important and so uplifting that thorough the pressure of peers that you have found the ability to be happy with yourself rather than forcing to find a significant other and staying true to yourself. Your story helps me realise that I can be complete within myself and not have to force anything. Loving yourself and being true to yourself is more important than forcing something that isn’t meant to be.
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I think your post is very inspiring to all single christian woman today!! In todays day and age, there is so much pressure regarding relationships and marriages etc. I think its so important and so uplifting that thorough the pressure of peers that you have found the ability to be happy with yourself rather than forcing to find a significant other and staying true to yourself. Your story helps me realise that I can be complete within myself and not have to force anything. Loving yourself and being true to yourself is more important than forcing something that isn’t meant to be.
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I found this post to be very encouraging. As a young female with desires to have a spouse and many children in the future, but currently no view of that insight I found this post to help me find peace in that. I’ve recently struggled with this but have found peace in that God’s timing is much different than my own and whatever he places in my life I know that it is done with purpose. I encourage others to trust in the Lord’s timing and not make finding “the one” the biggest priority in your life. Rather, learn how to love through the love God shows us and if it is meant for you to find “the one” you will!
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I am tremendously glad that I read this post. I think that it can be very hard to be content in singleness especially when you feel like God is not making known His path to you. Even though that I am a young man, I still struggle with the sense of belongingness because it seems like I am in a continuous cycle of high mountains and low valleys when I ponder this subject. It can be very hard to always think that hard situations will turn out well, but ALL of God’s plans will turn out just like He planned. I think the more I embrace this truth, then the happier I end up acting. Everyday is a battle for sure. But, learning to trust God even in this hardship will allow your faith to continue to thrive when it needs to most. This post has given me a new perspective of what it really means to accept my singleness.
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Thank you for your post. As a single woman, I appreciate your transparency. It can be challenging to hear the perspectives of married individuals who offer well-meaning but disconcerting advice. So, to hear from you, who truly understand the various shades of singleness, has been comforting. Thank you for building this community because it is so needed.
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It is amazing to see the perspective of a middle-age single woman and I feel that this perspective is very much needed. Society places so much emphasis on marriage, especially to women, that it seems society thinks that we are incomplete without it. I agree that it is important to embrace the life that you have. I also noticed that in your collection of devotionals about singleness, some mention “waiting” and some do not. I think it is interesting that some people affirm the idea of waiting and some do not. I know that I used to consider this season of my life as “waiting,” but as time has gone on, I’ve realized that I should not be waiting for anything, I should just enjoy life! This discussion, as I said before, is very much needed.
Thank you so much for sharing this vulnerable post!
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This blog post is something that every single woman needs to hear. You are a huge encouragement and inspiration in a time where everyone seems to be dating and getting engaged. I love the John Piper quote about recognizing your feelings of despair, feeling them, but then getting up washing your face and looking to Jesus. It is also good to hear that there are other ways that our natural bent towards nurturing can be used in other ways. It is a good gift and there is no one way tract to fulfilling that desire. Thank you for sharing and being transparent!
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As many have said, this is something I needed to hear. Throughout my whole life, I have been surrounded by people in relationships. My parents are high school sweethearts, one of my older sisters has had several boyfriends starting at the age of 13, my other older sister will soon be engaged, and my little sister has also dated on and off since middle school. Then there is me. I have never had a boyfriend and sometimes find it hard to be content when all my friends and family are in these great relationships. I appreciate your openness to share your heart and thoughts on this topic as it really has given me hope. Thank you!
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