In the research to discover some of the best strategies for assisting emerging generations in their pursuit of a flourishing life, I’m frequently astounded by how often the concepts seem so simple on the surface, a bit of common sense even; however, when it comes to pursuing these practices that develop the Habits of a Flourishing life, the behaviors move from common sense to complicated challenges. As an educator, or anyone with influence over others, we are distinctly aware of some of the desired outcomes we hope to instill: to be collaborators rather than consumers, participants rather than observers, and givers rather than takers.

It is this last mindset shift of understanding the difference between Givers and Takers that is the focus of today’s post and is explained by Adam Grant in his book Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success. Grant shares, “Giving, taking, and matching are three fundamental styles of social interaction,” or what he calls reciprocity styles, which explain how most of us approach people the majority of the time. According to Grant, our primary style “can play as much a role in our success as hard work, talent, and luck.”

To further explain this concept of Givers and Takers, Grant offers to introduce us “to two kinds of people who fall at opposite ends of the reciprocity spectrum at work. I call them takers and givers. Takers have a distinctive signature: they like to get more than they give. They tilt reciprocity in their own favor, putting their own interests ahead of other’s needs…Garden-variety takers aren’t cruel or cutthroat; they’re just cautious and self-protective.” Givers, on the other hand, “tilt reciprocity in the other direction, preferring to give more than they get. Whereas takers tend to be self-focused, evaluating what other people can offer them, givers are others-focused, paying more attention to what other people need from them.”

What is interesting to me in discussing reciprocity styles, is that there are applications to personal, professional, and spiritual development. It is not as uncommon to see the benefits of giving rather than taking in personal relationships such as those with family members, but Grant offers insight into how the professional life can flourish when we adopt a giving reciprocity style, and I will take this concept even further and offer that we are to model a giving reciprocity style in our spiritual life as well. After all, isn’t that what Christ modeled for us while he was leading others during his transformissional journey on this earth?

What I see Grant describing as utilizing a giving reciprocity style at work to become successful also has applications when one is attempting to develop a Habit of Awareness of both self and others. Grant shares, “Being otherish means being willing to give more than you receive, but still keeping your own interests in sight, using them as a guide for choosing when, where, how, and to whom you give. Instead of seeing self-interest and other-interest as competing, the Caring Canadians found ways to integrate them, so that they could do well by doing good. As you’ll see, givers are less prone to burning out and getting burned-and they’re better position to flourish.”

Grant shares stories from social science research of the benefits of volunteering and from neuroscience on what happens to the release of chemicals in our brains when we engage in giving and pursuing activities that focus on the needs of others rather than our own. When we look at givers from a health perspective, we also see numerous benefits to our mood. “Economists call it the warm glow of giving, and psychologists call it the helper’s high.” Regardless of the discipline lens one uses to examine Givers and Takers, the evidence mounts highly in favor of the giving reciprocity style. Add in the wisdom from Scripture and the scale tips even further into the relationship between a giving reciprocity style and a flourishing life.

A third reciprocity style Grant describes is that of a matcher. “Professionally, few of us act purely like givers or takers, adopting a third style instead. We become matchers, striving to preserve an equal balance of giving and getting. Matchers operate on the principle of fairness: when they help others, they protect themselves by seeking reciprocity. If you’re a matcher, you believe in tit for tat, and your relationships are governed by even exchanges of favors.”

To wrap up this discussion of Givers and Takers, I am challenged to uncover how to help emerging generations discover their reciprocity style and how the knowledge of this information can be deeply explored to gain insight into how embracing a giving style will lead to flourishing in the areas of personal, professional, and spiritual growth. I am also challenged to explore my own personal reciprocity style to determine how I can move from being a taker or matcher and into being a giver. Please feel free to share in the comments below your thoughts on Givers and Takers.

Reference:

Grant, A. (2013). Give and take: A revolutionary approach to success. Penguin Group.