On this pilgrimage to discover what it means to Truly Flourish and live a life of meaning, the traveling imagery has arisen often, and there are notes all over my reading any time a reference like Blindspots, Detours, and Dirty Windshields appear. However, this week may have been a Defining Moment when I began my walk around the neighborhood, listening to Andy Stanley’s message entitled Rules for the Road, when Rule #3 Choose a Destination and Borrow a Map, resonated so deeply with my plea for Emerging Adults to locate mentors (learning partners); had anyone been around, in my excitement, I might have spilled out an entire bucket of nonsense. But for those of you on this journey with me, Borrow a Map captures the essence of why we need Relational Equity to navigate this life.

Although many of us may benefit from being involved in a Mentoring Community, these resources may not always be convenient, and it becomes necessary for us to reach out in effort to locate guidance on our own. What Stanley recommends in his rule is to ask someone to Borrow a Map. Stanley offers, “There is somebody who has already been where you’re hoping to arrive. They’ve been there, done that. They may have done it poorly or they may have done it well, but somebody has traveled this road before.” Offering an amusing story of bringing their first child home from the hospital and not knowing what to do as a new parent, Stanley explains that every Season in life is different and “the wisest thing you could do is find somebody and Borrow a Map.” And for those of you who have already traveled a little further down life’s road, consider sharing your map with someone else. “You may not know what you know until someone asks you what you know.”

If you happen to be the person in search of guidance, whether it’s professionally, academically, financially, or relationally, Stanley recommends locating their email address and “don’t ask anyone to mentor you,” but instead “send them three questions outlining the season/transition you are navigating and ask if they would meet you for coffee or dinner. What you are saying is that I want to Borrow a Map for how you traversed this period in your life.” Then you meet them, ask them your questions, and accept that you just experienced a Mentoring Moment. Perhaps this will lead to more one-on-one mentoring, but if not, you’ve gained some valuable information to guide your own journey.

By reaching ahead a generation to gather what they have learned, you may be taking advantage of what Stanley identifies as one of Vernon Law’s quotes, “Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.” Rather than just learning from your own experience, you can prepare and get ahead by inviting mentors to share their personal lessons with you. “You acknowledge what you don’t know and inviting someone into that space, asking for help, is not a weakness but it’s a sign of wisdom, as the author of Proverbs put it this way, ‘Listen to counsel and accept discipline.’”

What I cherish about Stanley’s concept to Borrow a Map is that it mirrors the ideas shared by Parks and Herrmann that “generations need each other, as together we create and care for the future. When we reflectively pay attention, we discover that there are conversations we share, particularly if we take up the big-enough questions posed by the unprecedented challenges of our time.” Sharing our maps or requesting the use of someone else’s map bridges the Generation Gap that seems to occur all too often. Rather than letting valuable knowledge go to waste, why not loan and borrow maps so that we can all lead a flourishing life.

Who have you asked to Borrow a Map that allowed you to learn from their experience? Please share your experience in the comments below so that we may learn too!

References:

Parks, S.D. & Herrmann, T.W. (2018). Mentorship as Care for Emerging Adulthood: A Conversation with Sharon Daloz Parks and Timothy W. Herrmann. In Hermann, T.W. & Riedel, K.D. (Eds.) A calling to care: Nurturing college students toward wholeness. (pp. 37-54). Abilene Christian University Press.

Stanley, A. (2021, May 23). Rules for the Road. Northpoint Community Church. [Audio podcast]. Retrieved from https://northpoint.org/messages/rules-for-the-road