Have you ever stopped to consider the Abiding Friendships in your life? Consider the individuals God has placed in your life that have a profound Power of Presence. Are these people not an amazing blessing from above? This past week I was repeatedly reminded of the importance of Abiding Friendships in my life from a class discussion about finding mentors and establishing a personal board of directors, to needing advice about speaking at a professional conference, to hearing personal stories in a faculty dialogue group, to a phone call with a colleague at another Christian institution, to my walking therapy session with a trusted friend—each of these encounters reminded me of the importance of Abiding with others.

Abide is not a word often used in modern vocabulary, but it communicates an element deeper than choosing other descriptors for friendships. Outside of Scripture, I don’t recall a time when someone used the word abide in a sentence, but it is a recurring theme when researching the concept of Flourishing Fruits, and I think it applies to friendship as well. This research usually leads to John 15:4-9 where Jesus shares the importance of abiding in Him, the Vine where we receive nourishment. Abide is translated from the Greek word meno and when its meanings are applied to friendship, we form a clearer picture of why Abiding Friendships are so vital to our flourishing in all Seasons of Life.

Some of the meanings for meno include: “physically to just stay where you are…to not change, to stay strong in one’s resolve, remain in common purpose with others. It means to stay present, not just physically but mentally and spiritually.” In other nuances where in English we use the word “live,” meno means: “to give my attention to what I’m doing right now, to the people and tasks who are physically with me at this time instead of checking my email on my phone or letting my mind drift to the thousands of things I need to get done.” And another explanation is “not to just continue to exist but to continue to exist under adversity and unchanged…clinging to hope…not letting the exterior circumstances change or touch you…internal peace.”

All of these meanings for abide reflect what the McFadden’s share in their book Aging Together when they describe the importance of friendships and flourishing communities throughout life, but especially when dementia is a part of the equation and it’s easy to drift into isolation because of the challenges that arise. In efforts to depict what Abiding Friendships look like, they use Scripture and even Aristotle’s five features of virtuous friendship to paint us a picture. These include the following: We wish good for our friends and seek to do good on their behalf; We want our friends to continue to exist and will do what is in our power to guard and protect them; We commit to spending time with our friends; We share with our friends common choices and decisions centered in the effort to live virtuous lives; and We share in friends’ joys and sorrows.

Mirroring both Scripture and Aristotle’s teachings, the McFadden’s describe Abiding Friendship in this way: “In long-time, intimate friendships, people celebrate life’s milestones together…and create a history of supporting one another in times of crisis and loss. Another way of saying this is that we have lived the story of our lives together…We know our own story better because we have entrusted a portion of our memory to our friends…What is most important is the emotional residue of the connection experienced between friends. The feelings of friendship—love, loyalty, respect—are what the stories are really all about, and not the actual details of what happened when.”

Perhaps, like me, you have been blessed with Abiding Friendships and Tuesday People that provide you with stories that outlast even your memories. After all, people experiencing the same moment will often recall the events differently. But I am reassured that there are people in this world who love me, have known me for decades, and might even know me better than I know myself! For me, I desperately need this Posse to get me through the struggles and challenges of life. It is their presence that keeps me going—in person, by phone, or just through shared moments.

I pray that you have Abiding Friendships that bless your life every day. I would enjoy hearing of how God has blessed your life with virtuous and lasting friendships. Please consider sharing in the comments below.

References:

Blogos. (2011-2021). The Greek Geek: Μένω: Abide. Retrieved from https://www.blogos.org/exploringtheword/GG-meno.php

McFadden, S.H. & McFadden, J.T. (2011). Aging together: Dementia, friendship & flourishing communities. The Johns Hopkins University Press.