Although describing a moment when the audio and video are Out of Sync when viewing a show as a pet peeve might be a little strong, I admit to at least experiencing a bit of annoyance when it occurs. It is also typical for me to only endure it for a short period of time before restarting the video or selecting the power-off button. The reality of today’s technology usage is that we are likely to experience this type of lag, whether while on a video call with a colleague or during an episode of Miss Scarlett and the Duke, but the experience of being Out of Sync that I want to address in this post relates more deeply to the concepts presented in Wintering than it does to audio annoyances.

Since most of our lives do not offer a simple Reset Button to quickly remedy a season of Wintering, I propose, like Katherine May, that we acknowledge the season is happening and attempt to seek out its benefits rather than turn a blind eye. “The times when we fall Out of Sync with everyday life remain taboo. We’re not raised to recognise wintering or to acknowledge its inevitability. Instead, we tend to see it as a humiliation, something that should be hidden from view lest we shock the world too greatly. We put on a brave public face and [experience Silent Grief]; we pretend not to see other people’s pain. We treat each wintering as an embarrassing anomaly that should be hidden or ignored. This means we’ve made a secret of an entirely ordinary process and have thereby given those who endure it a pariah status, forcing them to drop out of everyday life in order to conceal their failure. Yet we do this at a great cost. Wintering brings about some of the most profound and insightful moments of our human experience, and wisdom resides in those who have wintered.”

Learning from others who have experienced dark nights of the soul, Wintering, or just being Out of Sync, is one of the many reasons I encourage multigenerational relationships. We learn best from those who have walked through a similar experience. “Here is another truth about wintering: you’ll find wisdom in your winter, and once it’s over, it’s your responsibility to pass it on. And in return, it’s our responsibility to listen to those who have wintered before us. It’s an exchange of gifts in which nobody loses out.” And although I do not personally know May, when she shares her experience of Wintering, I undergo a You Too! moment, for although my occurrence of being Out of Sync is less severe, I do find comfort that I am not alone in what I have encountered.

So rather than pretend that a flourishing life is immune to difficult seasons, I embrace that times of being Out of Sync are normal and we ask God to use those moments for cultivating a Habit of Growth. Perhaps, like me, you can relate to some of the ways May describes feeling in her periods of wintering. “I’m tired, inevitably. But it’s more than that. I’m hollowed out…I’m finding myself in bed by nine, perhaps earlier if I can get away with it. It’s a profoundly unsociable way of living, but it gives me those clearheaded early mornings…That grinding mix of grief, exhaustion, lost will, lost hope. My only tenable position is retreat into a dignified silence, but that’s not what I want at all. I want to give account of myself, force everyone else to understand.” This season is not an experience anyone desires, but when in the midst of it, we need those who care for us to attempt to understand.

May sharing her personal experience at least offers me some consolation for the times I miss the stay-at-home covid restrictions or an unexpected snow day that allow a reprieve from the busyness of the world and offers some time to spend restoring my soul. “I don’t mind staying in. I realise that for plenty of people, it feels like a brutal restriction of their freedom, but it suits me down to the ground. Winter is [Hygge] a quiet house in lamplight…the roar of the wood-burning stove, and the accompanying smell of charred wood…It is reading quietly and passing away the afternoon watching movies…As soon as the sun goes down, I start thinking about going to bed…In winter, I can spend hours in silent pursuit of a half-understood concept or a detail of history. There is nowhere else to be after all.” It is permission to have our souls restored in some way.

Being Out of Sync, where nothing really seems quite wrong, but nothing feels quite right either, is not nearly as harmful mentally or physically as a Wintering season; however, to not acknowledge what is happening as normal and necessary, can endanger the power that rest and retreat provide. In Be Happy, I will share more of May’s wisdom, and specifically how this impacts those working in higher education.

Reference:

May, K. (2020). Wintering: The power of rest and retreat in difficult times. [Kindle version]. Riverhead Books.